Landing: 15.30
Shuttle to downtown Denver: 45 minutes
Getting tour of apartment and keys: 30 minutes
Stopping by leasing office to find closest wireless vendor: 2 minutes
Figuring out that 16th street has no relation to 16th avenue: 20 minutes
Walking to 16th street: 7 minutes
Purchasing Ricochet modem: 5 minutes
Walking back: 7 minutes
Installation: 3 minutes

So, yes, it's quite possible to get medium-speed, non-premeditated Internet access in a new apartment, without any knowledge of a city you've just landed in.

Adios, Guatemala. I've got a one-way ticket to an undisclosed location a few Mkm to the north of Guatemala. Finally. After 8 years, I can honestly say I'm not going to miss too much (o.k., well family), and I'm quite happy to go. And not because “the grass is always greener”, but well, read the Guatemala and Mei categories here and you'll have an idea why. Nice view, facing mountains, and not towards Guatemala :\.

On a less down-sounding note, it's a very large and exciting opportunity where I get to combine a lot of different technology. More on that soon. A LOT more on that soon. Got a lot of topics (tech related, imagine that!) that I really want to talk about.

Oh yea, and I get to live in a nice place with 6mbps/768kbps ADSL, where things pretty much “just work” (well, relative to Guatemala anyways). So, 12 more hours and I'll be checking a few large boxes and flying “Pollo Campero” class (everyone feels compelled to bring that chicken *shudder*, even though there's places in the states where they sell it!) -- for several hours.

I was working on an application today, and I needed to add some data to every HyperLink on the ASP.NET page (for a custom authorization string). I thought it might be a common thing: needing to go through all the controls on a page, but apparently not. I didn't find any framework functionality, and the only code samples (just to see if I have the “best” way of doing things) led to some not-so-nice code (arraylists and recursion!). So, here's the best I've come up with (criticism, please):

        Stack<Control> remainingControls = new Stack<Control>();
        remainingControls.Push(this);
        do
        {
            Control currentControl = remainingControls.Pop();
            foreach (Control item in currentControl.Controls)
            {
                if (item is HyperLink)
                {
                    HyperLink hl = (HyperLink)item;
                    hl.NavigateUrl = AddAuthToUrl(hl.NavigateUrl);
                }
                else if (item.Controls.Count > 0)
                {
                    remainingControls.Push(item);
                }
            }
        } while (remainingControls.Count != 0);

I've spent a few hours trying to get the secure TCP (based on NegotiateStream) integrated security in .NET 2.0 working. While there is a page on this (Authentication with the TCP Channel), it fails to mention that you need one more property in addition to encrypt, impersonationLevel and authenticationMode. It's called “secure”, and it must be “true”. I didn't see it mentioned anywhere, except when I happened to browse the MSDN Forums: http://forums.microsoft.com/msdn/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=55225

I looked at his config, and realised I didn't have this “secure” property. Problem solved. Also, I recommend checking out http://pluralsight.com/wiki/default.aspx/Keith.GuideBook/HowToAddCIAToDotNETRemoting.html, which has a lot of information about Windows security in general, apart from some specifics of remoting and Kerberos. And, finally, yes, there's one more page where the secure attribute is listed (with some other docs) http://blogs.msdn.com/manishg/archive/2005/04/22/410879.aspx

OK, so perhaps there was some error between the user and the keyboard... but I'm very very excited to see this feature running.

I usually wouldn't comment on these things; indeed, I usually don't know anything about sports. But today I saw a newspaper, and on the front page was Lance Armstrong, winning that race in France, again. Apparently he had cancer and is still winning.

At any rate, what I really enjoyed was the look on the face of the race administrator, or whoever was handing him the award. Everyone else is smiling, but the one guy (I guess he's the French Tour administrator?) is just scowling, like “oh damn, he did it again”. I'm sure if I read french, I'd get a kick out of the newspaper articles there... BTW, my friend made some T-shirts up for the occasion: “Lance Armstrong, Survivor Champ!”. Although, if I was designing the shirts, they'd say something like “Tour de Lance” or “Invasion of France”...

VISTA == Vista IS a Terrible Acronym. Actually, having it all caps would be cooler. Really, “Windows Sight“? Or “Windows View“? That's so lame it's not even punny. Even “Windows V6” would be an improvement.

Or perhaps they moved the letters of “ATI Stock Value“ around a bit?

Seriously, with all the money they've invested, couldn't they have come up with a better name? Just think of the conversations -- “Are you running Vista?”, “Vista's preinstalled.”, “This won't work on Vista.” “I can't see the Vista boot screen.“ I'm terrified at what horrible marketing campaign might come off of this. (Dinosaurs not being able to see over a horizon or something...) Actually, Vista could be a very cool name, for like the accessibility features, or some small visualization program (perhaps a photo management applet), but not for the OS. Will we have “Vista Server [2008]“? “Visual Studio Vista“ (shudders). This is especially disappointing with such interesting codenames (Avalon, Indigo).

It's got no level of coolness (XP has an X in it, and that automatically makes it hip). Worst name since Windows 95. I'm pretty convinced that within about 20 hours, someone could write a program to pick names for Longhorn that'd be better than “Vista” at least 50% of the time.

Well, at least the product is going to be amazing. And more importantly, VS2005 remains impressive, and from the bit I know of Orcas, that'll be excellent too. Just makes you wonder what's up at MS when they can't even name their biggest product of the decade...

I was quite happy with Messenger 6. A few little enhancements, and I'd be set. As I mentioned before, MSN Messenger 7 is horrible. It is as if they want to compete in annoying features against Yahoo and AOL. <Shudders>

Anyways, MSN apparently has decided to ensure that you upgrade to v7, so I figured I might as well stop resisting and go along with it... Then I found Apatch: http://www.apatch.tk/ <-- This nifty little program removes all the junk from V7 (such as nudges, winks, “packs“, inline IM advert links, etc.). Now there's no need for 3rd party messenger systems...

Some people have wondered how things are going. Let me tell a little story.

When I was 14, I went to some fair and a friend of my father's was nice enough to subvert my parents wishes and purchased a sword for me. It wasn't a straight sword; it had a wicked little curve-point on the end. One day when I was off in fantasy-land in my room, playing with this “wonderful” item, the sword ended up going through my knee. It was all rather quite curious how it got there, and I'm still not 100% sure how it happened. But there I was, standing in my room, with a two-inch wound on one side of my knee, and a small exit wound on the other side.

Being deathly afraid of my parents desire to revoke my sword, I ran to the shower to let the blood pour out, and I preceeded to put a bandaid on it. It didn't hurt that much, so I figured if I just cleaned up the blood, this could be an incident that'd teach me a lesson and I could continue my fantasic adventures. Well, unfortunately I did not know of such things as “shock” and “adrenaline”, and over the next few hours discovered that a cut that goes through your knee in fact DOES require medical attention, and that a shower & bandaid do not count. In addition, it hurts like hell. Anytime I thought it was doing a bit better, the pain would just come back and wash over me. It took surgery, morphine, and quite some time.

Mei meant more to us than anything and everything in this world. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her or pray that I'd do anything to bring her back. The true pain and, to use a phrase from a well-known series, The Sorrow of Losing the Object of One's Dependence, the realization of great loss is finally hitting us both. For a while I thought I had gained some magic perspective and acceptance... but that was just my mind and body compensating via shock. It has become so much harder (and mainly why I haven't posted Mei's photos or written until today). A lot of the anger has just turned into sadness. A lot of my hope has just turned to wishes of nothingness. Most of my dreams are of just moving as far away as possible from everything and possibly finding a shred of peace somewhere. And most of my time is either spent working all day, and then playing whatever game to keep my mind busy at night. Or anything to keep me from despair. Hey, now that I've written this, I can think about worrying that I sound like the stereotypical teenage blogger -- whining about depression! Yey -- something to do! :)

Yes, if you're thinking it, you're right: I am more cynical and critical than I was before (and for those who know me, that's saying a lot). At least I'm not suicidal.

Gaby is doing... well... similar, I suppose. Supposedly grief works like that; it comes in chaotic cycles.

It's the simple issue that nothing can actualy fix anything. Suing the doctor -- who cares? I don't need his bloody money, and even if he loses his license, it doesn't bring Mei back. Nothing I can do can. It's not a failed business where you can say at least you got an education. The only education I got is that people are far more incompetent and evil than I believed (which again, is saying a lot), and that horrible things happen. Appreciation for life? Perhaps. At any rate, I'm just going to start rambling now... so time to end this post.

Finally, I do want to thank everyone for their support. Even though I might not always sound like it, it's definately made a difference. We got enough money to cover most of the costs, so that's one thing out of the way. Thanks again.

I found a cool C# library for use with Asterisk (AGI) and .NET: MONO-TONE. It looks promising as an easy way to deal with AGI from C#. I think that I'll be extending it to support FastAGI as well, and contributing the changes back. Nice work Gabriel!

If you reboot your Team Foundation Server machine one day, and then get some errors such as:
A Catastrophic Failure with ADAM, Access Denied when starting BISGSS, or a COMException “The server is not operational“, you might want to read my problems:

http://forums.microsoft.com/msdn/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=16246

In the end, I set Everyone to Full Control of the HKLM\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\VSS key, rebooted, and things went away.

I haven't had the chance to respond personally to everyone who has commented and emailed me. But let me tell you, each one of your letters has touched my wife and I, and has helped us in ways you can't know. Quite a few people have said that Mei had a purpose, that Mei has accomplished much, that this is how it was meant to be.

While my original reaction was “Ain't that swell. You have a kid, and that's great. She dies, and that's still great. What a load of crap.”, reading things people have written has changed my mind. I'm slowly, albeit painfully, coming to terms with that Mei was sent to do something, and she did that, and then had to go. It doesn't make sense. It pisses me off. Couldn't a lesson be taught without losing her?

Things seem to move so fast. I can't believe that Mei has come. I think that I'm going to wake up and hug her. I feel like someone will just come by and Mei will be with them. I remember kissing her goodbye, singing to her tomb, and it's so completely surreal. I feel guilty for not being hysterical all day long. I have a peace... but a feel bad that perhaps it's so soon. but I guess that's not true. I know Mei wants me to be happy. If I'm eating pizza, or watching a movie, if I'm smiling, she's happy I hope. Mei, please understand it's not that I have forgotten you, it's not that I am not terribly sad, I'm just trying to cope.

Gaby just got back from our house, cleaning Mei's stuff. I want to keep a few things to have of her, and the rest we'll keep for when she or her sister/brother comes along. She has a cute pink little pijama, with a little cat on it. We just bought that the day Mei was born, and it's SOO cute on her.

Anyways, I think I'm going in circles now, so I'll sign off for the night. I just want everyone to know that your comments, your letters, your words of support, even when there are no words, do help. I know there's nothing we can do, except support each other. Hearing that Mei has made an impact in some lives consoles me, knowing there was a reason.

I really didn't want to do this. I was hoping little Mei was gonna pull through, and I was just gonna get some good consulting job and so on... but reality sets in. I had saved just enough to handle Mei's delivery. Some will say I should have waited 'till I had a real good job (startups are fun, but don't necesarily keep you padded). Perhaps I should have. But we wanted a baby sooo badly. I don't expect anyone to donate, and I don't want to ask. But everyone has told me G-d will provide one way or another. So, if bychance someone landing on this page happens to have some money they can give, that'd be greatly appreciated. If that person is you, our Paypal address is hands-of-hope@usa.com. That will go through my parent's clinic, as they are handling it right now. I just am not ready to go back and sit down and now have to face Mei's hospital and burial bills.

Gaby and I are going to try to move to Toronto. I'm still not sure about work. I've got some possibilities, but nothing sure yet. I'm worried about getting a visa for Gaby, as the embassy can be a real pain. Well, all the Canadians there are really nice, but sometimes it's just hard.

The doctor? I'm not so sure that malpractice suits work here. Even if they did, it'd take so long as to be practically useless. Of course, if he does pay, I can send the donations back. I *want* to make that guy pay in so many ways. But apparently, forgiveness is a step. I wonder if I can forgive, and sue him into the dark ages as well as get rid of his license. I mean, he's a public threat, so it's only responsible of me to put him out of the medical profession, right?

Also, I can accept donations in some consulting work. If you have some .NET-related (or Asterisk-related) work, I'll take extra consulting jobs. Just give me a bit of time to collect myself and get an updated resume up. But feel free to drop me a line (mgg@atrevido.net) if you have any litte jobs you would like to me to consult on.

Again, I'm sorry to ask about money. I didn't intend to do this, I'm just getting a bit desperate. Everything I've written has come straight from my heart, and I'm certainly not trying to get money from people. Just hoping G-d's sent a person and this will be a signal to them. On the 'bright' side, the medical expenses in Guatemala are much less than they'd be in North America, probably by a factor of 8 or so, so any little bit goes somewhat further than it would in North America.

To everyone else, just ignore this one posting. Thank you.

I went to the burial. It was a nice place, not ugly like most of Guatemala City. Everyone was at a little chapel, which scared me, cause I didn't want a funeral.

I looked inside, and at the altar was a tiny white box with tiny white flowers on it. I just walked towards it, every step welling up tears. I threw myself onto the little box, holding Mei inside, telling her how much I loved her.

I know I said I didn't believe in this, and wanted to not do anything, just maybe show up for 5 minutes, I had to see her again. My sweet precious girl. Someone checked her to make sure nothing was bad, and I opened her baby coffin and kissed her, told her I loved her so much, how sorry I was for this.

they took her to the tomb where we'd place her. I sang her song (Fly me to the moon) to her, kept my hand on her while the pastor spoke. I sang other little songs I made up; I just want her to know how much I love her, and always will.

Gaby and I held her head, ran our hands through her beautiful hair. I kissed her, hold her hand (it felt like she was still grabbing my finger), hugged my little Mei's body. Having to see your own little baby wrapped up and... not alive... I'm crying.

I picked up her tiny box, slid it into the tomb, said goodbye, that she'd be o.k. forever, and we'd always love her. They started laying the brick and I just wandered off. It's the first time I remember my dad crying in a long time. When they had the cement on, I wrote “We love you forever Mei“ in the cement. I'm going to get a little plaque that says Mei, and has her song lyrics on it, with little plum flowers around the edges.

I feel strongly that she's going to come back to us. That in a few months, I'll have great news that she's back inside Gaby's belly. I promised her we'd take the absolute best care of her this time, if she gives us a second chance. Or maybe, Mei is up there looking for a friend angel to send to us. Somehow, it will all be alright, sometime.

I sat on the edge of a cliff that's right alongside the cemetary, and I sang to her. The wind blew through the trees. I felt like she was flying around, sitting on the tombs, laughing at us cause we were kissing her old body. She is smiling and playing somewhere. She's the cutest, happiest, girl right now. Perhaps a mix of Sumomo (Chobits) and Mei from Totoro. That's where I first heard the name and liked it, “Tonari no Totoro”.

Somehow, everything will work out. Somehow, the shred of faith I have left will grow. Somehow, someway...