I went to the burial. It was a nice place, not ugly like most of Guatemala City. Everyone was at a little chapel, which scared me, cause I didn't want a funeral.

I looked inside, and at the altar was a tiny white box with tiny white flowers on it. I just walked towards it, every step welling up tears. I threw myself onto the little box, holding Mei inside, telling her how much I loved her.

I know I said I didn't believe in this, and wanted to not do anything, just maybe show up for 5 minutes, I had to see her again. My sweet precious girl. Someone checked her to make sure nothing was bad, and I opened her baby coffin and kissed her, told her I loved her so much, how sorry I was for this.

they took her to the tomb where we'd place her. I sang her song (Fly me to the moon) to her, kept my hand on her while the pastor spoke. I sang other little songs I made up; I just want her to know how much I love her, and always will.

Gaby and I held her head, ran our hands through her beautiful hair. I kissed her, hold her hand (it felt like she was still grabbing my finger), hugged my little Mei's body. Having to see your own little baby wrapped up and... not alive... I'm crying.

I picked up her tiny box, slid it into the tomb, said goodbye, that she'd be o.k. forever, and we'd always love her. They started laying the brick and I just wandered off. It's the first time I remember my dad crying in a long time. When they had the cement on, I wrote “We love you forever Mei“ in the cement. I'm going to get a little plaque that says Mei, and has her song lyrics on it, with little plum flowers around the edges.

I feel strongly that she's going to come back to us. That in a few months, I'll have great news that she's back inside Gaby's belly. I promised her we'd take the absolute best care of her this time, if she gives us a second chance. Or maybe, Mei is up there looking for a friend angel to send to us. Somehow, it will all be alright, sometime.

I sat on the edge of a cliff that's right alongside the cemetary, and I sang to her. The wind blew through the trees. I felt like she was flying around, sitting on the tombs, laughing at us cause we were kissing her old body. She is smiling and playing somewhere. She's the cutest, happiest, girl right now. Perhaps a mix of Sumomo (Chobits) and Mei from Totoro. That's where I first heard the name and liked it, “Tonari no Totoro”.

Somehow, everything will work out. Somehow, the shred of faith I have left will grow. Somehow, someway...