I was feeling nostalgic for a game I bought a long time ago, but wasn't able to find the CDs. I decided to give the local pirates a whirl. Let me go over the experience with them, then compare it with the experience of buying some software legitimately.

1. Finding the store. Simple: Just get a newspaper and scan the classifieds for computer software. One had a rather large advert that must have cost a pretty penny. Also, a lot of them have websites, making return purchases easier.

2. Finding the game. I was looking for a game that's not well played down here, so it took a few tries. However, the pirates have one thing done way better than the retail vendors: Their entire inventory is online. I haven't seen this from any retail store down here so far.

3. Placing the order. Dial the cell phone listed. Ask for game. Get *immediate* response (no wait at all), with pricing with and without warranty. Select the game + warranty (The game is 5CDs, total cost with warranty: $12). Give name and address for delivery. Since my house is hard to find, suggest meeting at the local Burger King. They say they'll be there in 2.5 hours. I tell them I'm in a dirty black Jeep.

4. Bring cash to Burger King, arriving a few minutes early. Within 30 seconds, a motorcycle pulls up beside me and offers me some CDs. Cash changed for CDs *with a receipt*!

That's it. The warranty covers the CDs from physical damage, as well as provides installation support (useful for people who buy those expensive art programs that require all sorts of network licensing managers to work).

Now, lets see how this compares to buying retail software. First, there's no website with all the inventory. So that's out. Second, calling may or may not get me correct information. Then, delivery? *Maybe*, but highly doubtful for a small order. Pricing? Hmm, games go for around $70. That's a lot, especially down here where $70 is equal to about 20% of an average salary. Sorta ridiculous actually.

Warranty? Installation support? Ha. Try to trade in something you buy at a retail store -- you'll get a flat NO. Support? Maybe. You'll probably have to make a long distance call. And then, depending on the company, support sucks (this goes for every lame game publisher, such as Eidos, Activision, etc.).

Buying a larger amount of software (say, equipping a company with 500 machines with Windows and Office)? The experience is even suckier. Big “software partners“ down here are 100% clueless. They love to waste your time asking tons of questions on the phone, not getting back to you, saying they don't sell Enterprise Licenses, trying to insist non-Guatemalan-sold versions of MS software is illegal, and sometimes, charging a ton more. I see Office on retail shelves for $800. WTF are they thinking?

Does this justify piracy? Well, no. But, it certainly is embarrassing that the customer experience is WORSE for legit customers than for pirate customers. BTW, the same goes for movies and music. If I'm tempted to buy a DVD, I'll phone the same place up. They've got a special: Any 4 DVDs for $12. Not bad, considering they do the work of getting rid of region zoning and CSS for me.

What's the lesson? Do better than the pirates. It can't be that hard not to completely suck. After all, the pirates aren't doing anything amazing. They're just providing a service like I'd expect it to be provided. Even if they had charged me $30, I'd have still paid. Didn't mean to rant on, it just annoys me when companies do a worse job, then complain when people go around them.