Some people have wondered how things are going. Let me tell a little story.

When I was 14, I went to some fair and a friend of my father's was nice enough to subvert my parents wishes and purchased a sword for me. It wasn't a straight sword; it had a wicked little curve-point on the end. One day when I was off in fantasy-land in my room, playing with this “wonderful” item, the sword ended up going through my knee. It was all rather quite curious how it got there, and I'm still not 100% sure how it happened. But there I was, standing in my room, with a two-inch wound on one side of my knee, and a small exit wound on the other side.

Being deathly afraid of my parents desire to revoke my sword, I ran to the shower to let the blood pour out, and I preceeded to put a bandaid on it. It didn't hurt that much, so I figured if I just cleaned up the blood, this could be an incident that'd teach me a lesson and I could continue my fantasic adventures. Well, unfortunately I did not know of such things as “shock” and “adrenaline”, and over the next few hours discovered that a cut that goes through your knee in fact DOES require medical attention, and that a shower & bandaid do not count. In addition, it hurts like hell. Anytime I thought it was doing a bit better, the pain would just come back and wash over me. It took surgery, morphine, and quite some time.

Mei meant more to us than anything and everything in this world. Not a day goes by where I don't think of her or pray that I'd do anything to bring her back. The true pain and, to use a phrase from a well-known series, The Sorrow of Losing the Object of One's Dependence, the realization of great loss is finally hitting us both. For a while I thought I had gained some magic perspective and acceptance... but that was just my mind and body compensating via shock. It has become so much harder (and mainly why I haven't posted Mei's photos or written until today). A lot of the anger has just turned into sadness. A lot of my hope has just turned to wishes of nothingness. Most of my dreams are of just moving as far away as possible from everything and possibly finding a shred of peace somewhere. And most of my time is either spent working all day, and then playing whatever game to keep my mind busy at night. Or anything to keep me from despair. Hey, now that I've written this, I can think about worrying that I sound like the stereotypical teenage blogger -- whining about depression! Yey -- something to do! :)

Yes, if you're thinking it, you're right: I am more cynical and critical than I was before (and for those who know me, that's saying a lot). At least I'm not suicidal.

Gaby is doing... well... similar, I suppose. Supposedly grief works like that; it comes in chaotic cycles.

It's the simple issue that nothing can actualy fix anything. Suing the doctor -- who cares? I don't need his bloody money, and even if he loses his license, it doesn't bring Mei back. Nothing I can do can. It's not a failed business where you can say at least you got an education. The only education I got is that people are far more incompetent and evil than I believed (which again, is saying a lot), and that horrible things happen. Appreciation for life? Perhaps. At any rate, I'm just going to start rambling now... so time to end this post.

Finally, I do want to thank everyone for their support. Even though I might not always sound like it, it's definately made a difference. We got enough money to cover most of the costs, so that's one thing out of the way. Thanks again.